Hope equals insanity.
It’s been a long day today, but I can’t seem to sleep. I had the RCC people come out to take a look at my desktop today and they finally got me connected to the internet again. So, yay! I’m on it now, for the first time in months. I’ve been going through all my aim away messages that I haven’t seen in forever and I found one that I don’t remember but I like it.
I remember hearing once that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. I only just realized tonight that that could equally as well describe hope.
I guess I’m feeling cynical tonight, haha.
I had to write a philosophy of teaching paper tonight. I hate writing papers like that because I feel like it puts me in a position to speak as though I know everything there is to know. Which I certainly do not, and I don’t like to pretend to. I hate being in classes with people who do, as well. I remember the first education class I took was a field experience class, pretty much just to immediately throw students out into the schools to make sure they knew what they were getting into before they got too far along in the program. We went to our placements four days a week and then on Friday stayed on campus for a class meeting. I dreaded Fridays because the discussions were unbearable. I just could not understand how a bunch of 18 year old freshmen could think that during their first official venture into a classroom setting the could know everything there is to know about being a teacher. Yet they did, and they were quite cocky about it. Call me crazy, but I think a little humility would serve a teacher well. Anyway, back to the paper. I realize that by this point a student should be able to put together a personal philosophy of teaching statement, and I can. I have quite a bit to say about that, actually. It’s just that writing it on paper to go in a final portfolio just seems so…final, when actually I think that an important part of being a teacher (or just a human, really) is to constantly question and refine and review and reconsider and improve. I’m sure this is actually the point of the assignment, since there will be a revision required by the end of the semester. And I’m sure it will end up being really beneficial for me to have had to sort out my thoughts and organize them on paper, but the point is…I still didn’t like it. It took me four revisions before I felt like I’d included everything I wanted to. It’s due at 4:30 tomorrow, which means I’ll probably revise it at least once more before then. Then again, I’m just a perpetual editor in general. In fact, I may go back and revise this after I post it. That’s not a joke. I do it all the time.
Leave a Reply